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My husband is a human gas chamber! So about 3 weeks ago I flew to South Korea for a vacation with friends who live there. My husband didn't want to go and said he'd be fine staying home and watching the house and dog. I trusted him because he's a 40 year old adult man and assumed he'd be able to feed himself like a sane person despite him possessing the cooking ability of a cactus. I was wrong. I should've dragged him and the dog along with me to another country. What my husband decided to do during his 3 weeks without me was absurd. I would've been happier if he'd cheated on me instead. Because what he did was: order nothing but Taco Bell through DoorDash after he: somehow broke my stove by: cooking an entire 15lbs bag of red lentils all at once. Then he didn't bother to get a bowl for his lentils, he just ate them straight from the pot and stuffed the pot into the fridge and broke one of the shelves inside it. Now realizing his mistake, he decided to order nothing but terrible tacos for the remaining 2 weeks while getting high on medical marijuana. Also for some reason he bought a bunch of honeycombs from one of our friend's fathers and decided those made a good snack and has eaten nothing but beeswax and honey for the last few days because he's some kind of weird alien in a human disguise. Apparently honeycombs give you gas. And lentils give you gas. And Taco Bell gives you gas. me now.